There has been so much negativity surrounding Black Men in the media lately, so Dr. Venus wanted to take this episode to celebrate and honor the Black Men that love us. When we commit to healing and uniting, we will be one step closer to slaying White Supremacy. Dr. Venus discusses the top three reasons Black Men rose to middle and upper class from 1960 to 2016, how we can set up personal boundaries to show up in power and not take the actions of others personally, and the real conversations we must have for peace, prosperity, and partnerships with the Black Men who we love, and who love us back.

Key Takeaways:

[9:08] Between 1960 and 2016, Black Men made great headway into the middle and upper class. The three top reasons that helped them move up were: education, work, and marriage. (Source: Decennial census 1960-2000 and American Community Surveys 2010,2016 (IPUMS))

[15:20] This conversation is not coaching for just romantic relationships, but instead open to all the Black Men that love us as friends, brothers, cousins, sons, and beyond.

[19:54] We expect Black Men to invest in us purely based on gender dynamics, but we must take a hard look at our expectations and what it looks like to really be loved and protected by Black Men.

[23:13] When Black Men feel disrespected or challenged, the triggers, tripwires, and unspoken emotional debit accounts can become activated. This can then look like someone leaving, lashing out, removing themselves or punitive damage. Black Women are left feeling hurt and confused, while the Black Man feels as though he is being talked down to.

[30:47] Society has created a cycle for men to keep going and never have critical conversations to heal the wound. To really love the Black Men in your life is to have awareness and not let your expectations get in the way.

[32:09] Nurture and invest in the relationships with the Black Men who have the emotional maturity to feed you in your life. If they demonstrate they don’t have it, don’t get mad at them, but instead realize it is a historical wound and not something for you to take personally.

[41:02] If someone chooses to act out or leave, their actions are for them, not for you. Your connection to yourself and source energy is what will truly heal you and make you feel your best.

Quotes:

“There is a historical wound for Black Men because of the history of slavery in North America that has never been tended to or healed.”
“When you are contending with triggers, tripwires, and internal emotional debit accounts, you have to take on personal accountability for yourself, not for him.”
“I’ve had people say bad things to me on a regular basis, and I’m clear that when they say it they are not talking to me, they are talking to a historical idea I represent.”
“If someone says they are leaving, let them go.”
“You can spit your truth and live it and never have an agreement.”

Mentioned:

Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

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